Lost Crocs

You went to school yesterday, I had Liza here while you were gone.  Mommy was rushed, frantic, then missed the bus because the schedule is hard to read.  I took her to school gave her twenty bucks, because it is worth so much more in the long run, and she went to school.  Liza and I stopped at Gayle’s where she gobbled blueberries, watermelon cubes, sliced strawberries and yogurt to the delight of kind old ladies having a late breakfast at nearby tables.  You and I used to do that when I’d rescue you from your apartment in Capitola.  You’d be in dirty jammies, filthy diapers, grimy hands and face and I’d prop you on my lap and feed you fancy creamy desserts. Someplace inside you there is a memory of that time.  Its probably not too far away.  You left this morning with the pajama top that I put you in a few days ago.  But you did get a bath.  By the way, buddy, you wash and rinse your own hair now.  What a guy.  You went through a screeching phase during the rinse, but after swim lessons, lake water play time and a little maturing; you took charge of it.  Good for you. You came back from school with no shoes.  Oh well.

Mommy came home after a day trying to get books, counseling, library cards and bus schedules exhausted, but very happy.  She was exhilarated.  Time with adults is good for her.  Maybe next semester with planning time it will be more that 3 units.  Its okay, you are in school, I am playing with your little wild cat sister, and mommy is finding school interesting and fun.  She can breathe.

But the problems for her and daddy are bubbling up.  Daddy has work, busy days, nights and excuses for why he’s so tired all the time.  Now mommy is tired too.  OOOO I remember these times in my marriage.  The years of tired wars.  The months of imbalance, of change. Hard on us to go through these things.  Takes communication, patience and letting go.  Connecting is hardest but deepest during these times. Its hard stuff.  We’ll see how mommy and daddy do with it.  They have begun to talk to me a bit.  And its not nice stuff. It was inevitable.  And its surmountable. Everyone is just out of sorts…except me and Liza.  We are just fine.  Long walks in the jogging stroller are good for both of us.  Leg cramps aren’t a bad thing.  Just temporary.

Hey, I apologize for taking that strawberry out of your mouth with such a rapid motion today.  But I asked you not to eat it.  And you did.  Impulse control, buddy.  Wait, please.  I said.  And you just couldn’t. Me either.  I wonder what that was like for you?  Loving all of us, gma

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