Jan 9, 2012 next court date.  We are it.  This a new family.  This is it. OMG.  I can’t believe this happened to us, happened in our family.  I look in the mirror- brief glimpse, and think, I’m a guardian.  These are my kids.  This is different.  For at least a year.  The judge swears, signs and makes it so.  What we requested.  What is good for you.  Good for our family.  Its very hard for us all, too.  It really is.  Even in the sandbox, during our raucus laughter, our shared funny thing that you did, I can’t go home.  I can’t go back and be the grandma.  I stay the mom.  All day long.  Okay.  I know you have heard this, but it sinks in, its like lavender hand cream, handmade in Bonny Doon, it smells nice in the bottle, lovely going on and then in the middle of the night, there it is again, surprisingly lovely, pleasant, still lavender on the pillow.  Shouldn’t be a surprise, but it is.

Mom got into a class she was on the wait list for.  She wants to go to college, work and become ready to take you back in a year.  She has three courses, art and journalism.  She seems excited about it.  Seems happy to be going to school.  The cost of art classes may be hard to manage.  The two days and one night of courses means lots of bus and car rides.  May be better for them to be in town. The little house here will require a lot of them- like upkeep and rent.  Today I told them about the readiness criteria for taking over this house.  The rent, the utilities, the ability to take care and be responsible for the long term for it.  And that they may not be ready when the time comes.  I invited mom and dad to talk about budget, strategies and alternatives.  They were unhappy.  I was relieved to have restarted our conversation.  To not worry about you being taken away, not losing out because of your mommy and daddy having grown-up trouble.  Trouble being grown-ups.

Maybe the tent won’t look so bad after they think about another life in Santa Cruz.  Maybe lots of things.  But, buddy, life is really hard to manage sometimes.  Stay in school, make long lasting friends and work hard.  I feel sad today.  Sad for your mommy and daddy.  But you are okay.  You are a wonderful interested, loving and deserving fellow.  You are our little boy, buddy.  And your sister our little girl.  Safe and secure here in Bonny Doon.

Grandpa’s truck broke down, we drove him to the airport and you pointed off at the east bay mountains and asked me to please go that way past the windmills and to Echo Lake cabin.  And cried when we turned back to Bonny Doon.  You’ll fly with us in two weeks to go visit Great Grandma Brown in Eugene. All of us will go.  It will be fun.  Not Echo, but a fun journey to visit Grandpa’s mom, Janice.  Grandpa will take you, too.  All of us. off to bed, tomorrow a Gina Day….gma