I think of you as I consider moving out of our little house that we have lived in your whole life.  To do our remodel this summer, (fix up some yucky parts, and make some beautiful new parts) we have to move out and live in your “new, old house” as you call it.  It may be odd to you, and it might be unsettling, but wait til you see the upstairs of the garage where all of our things will be stored!  I have toys, art, lamps, pictures and decorations and stuff…, UGH too much of that. Grandpa put up an electric winch with a box hooked to ropes, so I don’t have to carry heavy things up and down the stairs.  You’d like it.  If you were here I’d have you operate it for me.  But I’d tell you never to get in it and take a ride. That wouldn’t be safe, and probably not fun either.  I just started the real move yesterday, because the stairs were installed this week.  (Can you see grandpa standing there?) I expect to take almost all of April.I’ll show you the new old house pictures another day. We painted it golden, sage and blue with creamy trim.  Jim’s woodwork looks so good!

But for today all I can think about is stuff that has to be moved and that you and your family might come back to Santa Cruz.  I am waiting to hear how that came to be, if it’s true and when it might happen.  I did suggest that you and daddy come in the car, find a job and rental (because we will be living in the one you used to live in) and then have daddy go back to get Ellie and Mommy.  I can hardly wait to see Liza; just look at her and of course hold her and play with her, too.  Maybe your mommy will get a job or go to school and I will have you and Liza up here for a couple of days a week.  I think I’d like that. I hope Mommy sees that as helpful.

Today I was working hard, sorting and packing, but got tired of the hard work it takes to choose what to keep, sell, donate and toss away. I have three rooms to use; the guest bedroom will be for donations, AJ’s old room will be for things that we are packing to put into the garage and the library will stay empty. Trash and unwanted junky things will be tossed right away.  But then there’s the unpacked items that we will take to the rental.  Those are last.  I have a great plan.

But I get in the way of it. I intrude in my own progress.  Not my brain-I love sorting and cleaning; it’s the emotional me.  Not “memory lane” I don’t think, but something makes me put things in boxes, nice and tidy, (mindlessly) even if I haven’t used it in two years. That’s my rule. If I haven’t seen it or used it in two years-then, bye-bye.  For some reason that is not working. I think my secret trick is to take breaks.  Take breaks and talk to you or read a book or nap.  So I stay conscious and intentional.  Kind of like when I used to read student papers and somehow I’d read and not take it in, I’d grade and not use my rubric, or whatever, anyway….  Staying attentive is the only way I can be successful. There’s a lesson here, but it’s for me right now and I’ll re-calibrate it for you later.  I’m going back to sort all my holiday items. ugh

I love you, gma