This weekend will be the second weekend with Daddy and step-mom. You have a new schedule. And it doesn’t leave you much time to play and relax here at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s. On Saturday morning you and sissy will put some things in your packs…lunch box for Monday, homework, a special book and toy, clothes for two days and in the afternoon, go next door to Daddy’s. You’ll see me again Monday after school, after dinner. I’ll get you to bed, take you to school on Tuesday and pick you up. During that time we both have to stop thinking about each other. You need to play and enjoy daddy and step mom. Stop missing me. Your home. Our yard, toys and bathtub. You need to be there and get used to it.
And I have to do grandma things. The things I wanted to do but then took you in. Maybe I forgot the things I was going to do. Maybe I should get a new list going. Last week I went to LA and spent hours in a Korean Bath House. Ahhhh. Maybe I should do that kind of thing. Yes. Or organize the garage. ugh. Now I have no excuse for not doing it. That is one thing that you guys are good for. My excuse for lazing around. I miss you already. Here is you putting nails in the deck to support my planter box. You like to help us. You built your own toolbox and are darn good at pounding nails in, buddy. That was on Saturday. We will have to squeeze special things in on Saturdays. Because then you go to school Monday until Friday and go to Aubrey’s a couple of afternoons so I can work. So we have Tuesday afternoon and Friday afternoon to hang out a little. You asked to cancel Aubrey (it is too much) and come home (here) to play. You count your play time like your friends count their quarters. You advocate for your free unfettered time to invent, draw and be alone with your ideas. You will have to learn to let go and play at daddy’s, too. Be free there. Make it safe for yourself. I will have to let go and grandma play, too. Let’s help each other through this.
I love the work you do with art-it represents your thinking, smooths out some wrinkles and clarifies this complicated world for you. You came home from the aquarium and made your own. Then you photographed the animals you drew and are writing a book about them. Don’t ever stop playing like that, little Buddy. It is really good stuff.
As you get older (six, already) you get so embarrassed about a misdeed. Last week you cut the net of the trampoline and cried so hard when I shouted from the kitchen window for you to stop. You frightened me. You told me. And “I am really sorry I did that. My mind tells me not to do it, but my hands with scissors wanted to cut. I am really, really sorry, (you sob) I have to tell the side of my brain that’s naughty to go away. I am trying to do that.” (Are you developing a super-ego, buddy?) Maybe… and you learned how to stitch (sew), too. I hope daddy can see how much work you do on your own to figure out how to do the right thing. No punishment required. I hope a lot of things about daddy, but I guess what I should work on is myself…letting go and close supervision of your well-being at the same time. I’ll be your advocate if needed, but mostly I am your grandma. Sounds good. Right?
I remember when I felt I’d lost myself to taking care of you. I am getting myself back. And I have no idea what to do with me. Ha. We will wobble around for awhile and get good at this over time. And then something else will come along to grab our attention. And we’ll work on that. Life is a series of chores with a little play time in between. Love to you Bud. gma