You miss everybody tonight.

“Grandma, I miss everybody tonight,” you tell me.  “Nobody is in my life enough.”

“I miss Daddy, my step mom and the baby because I got used to them”, you say.  “And I really miss my mommy”.  And then you cry hard.  “I can’t see them when I want to”. you sob.

“My life is sad, grandma.” you cry as you fall asleep tonight. I stroke your head and face.

Your fever has broken, but cough raspy and nose stuffy and your cold is nasty.  Sickness makes you vulnerable.  I am strangely grateful for your vulnerability.  This is hard stuff.

A few days ago I asked you why you had piled all the toys on the floor.  You said.  “We are moving out.”  And the doll house furniture was piled into a basket.  The tiny house empty.

“I used to be inside my mommy.  She gave birth to me”. I watch you for signs of feelings bubbling up.  “I used to live in a tent, remember?”  Your face screws up tight and you cry a bit and keep talking, “There was thunder and lightning and it was loud in the tent.”  I ask you what you did when you woke up. “I think I went to stay with you after the thunder, in your house that daddy lives in now.”  You cry hard.  “I miss mommy so much.”

I love you buddy.  These are important things you are thinking about.  You have lots of feelings.  I will be here with you tonight until you go to sleep.  “But I want daddy and my step-mom.”  I know, and I am here with you tonight, to hold you and understand your important feelings. Let’s talk to Daddy IMG_0303tomorrow about your feelings, shall we?  “Okay.” you say and your breathing steadies, slows and you sleep.

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